discipline days

i'm very much an all or nothing kind of person.  if i'm going to clean, i want the whole house free from any dust and dirt and diapers.  if i'm going to exercise, i want to be a fast runner and have that six-pack.  if i'm going to cook, i want everything to be from scratch, including the ice tea.  what i learned quickly after my third kid is these hopes and dreams are just that, hopes and dreams and not reality.  one of the main skills i've had to develop as a mother is "to balance everything."  (and something else that has also developed is my understanding of what "needs" to get done and what i'd like to get done).  the cleaning, exercising and cooking are just three of many areas that need balancing - but three major ones none-the-less.  

after our third baby turned 6 months old, and our freezer meals had worn off, i was needing to incorporate dinner making time (ideally, healthy dinners).  i was also hoping to lose a little more of that baby weight.  i was tired of my house always looking like a tornado had run through it.  setting my alarm for 6:30 every morning - and actually getting up then - wasn't working.  in the good old days, i loved getting up early, drinking coffee, cleaning, taking time for myself, with God.  i wanted some of that back - just a few minutes of peace and quiet before my  5 year old was asking me to play "memory" with her, before the hourly potty time with my toddler, before my baby wanted to drink from my breast again.  so i tried but by day three, i was wiped and had to take a nap, which defeated the whole purpose of "free time" (ie, dishes or laundry or cooking in peace and quiet).  so i tried to "balance" my schedule - so i could clean and cook and exercise, at least a bit during the week.  

at least two days of my week (ideally three) have become my "discipline days." that means i get up when the alarm rings.  the goal is to clean off the table as soon as we are done eating.  (which i know sounds super simple for those of you who enjoy cleaning, but i can find a million reasons to put off clearing the table - like zip off to the zoo!).  i also start the day by throwing a load of laundry in and keep those two days reserved for the washing of clothes.  

on "discipline days" i try to exercise during rest time.  (the two older ones don't usually nap, but i still make them rest, one hour of reading or quiet play in their room).  no matter how messy the house is, no matter if i've prepared dinner or not, no matter if the toys have overtaken the house again (i simply shove them off the little rug to make room for myself, at least enough for push up and crunches) - and i exercise.  for 20 minutes.  that's it.  i've enjoyed the jillian michaels 30 day shred videos on youtube.  (it's free!  i don't have time for the gym!  and it works cardio and strength!)  i even cut out jillian's warm-up (carrying around my baby and boxes of diapers, sweeping and mopping, chasing the kids around the yard is good enough, thank you) - and do the cool down only if rest time is over and there's no baby crying (works out about 50% of the time).  i can do an 18 minute work-out two times a week (and if i get the chance, one run on the weekend).

balancing exercise is really tough for me.  not in the same way, cleaning is (i don't enjoy cleaning).  i used to be a runner.  i loved cross country in high school and college.  never the most competitive, never the best.  but it energized me.  it was a healthy stress reliever.  it made great memories with friends.  balancing exercise is hard because i would love to run five days a week.  but i just don't have the time.  (and sometimes don't have the energy after sweeping and mopping the floor and carrying loads of laundry from our bedrooms to the washer and holding my baby on my hip half of the day).  

balancing cooking...  for me it has meant letting go.  letting go of a healthy home-made dinner every single night.  if i expect to make a heatlhy and tasty homemade dinner everynight, it only ends up with a stressed out mom, which usually means more yelling than i'd like.  yes, i do want my children to be healthy, and food plays such a huge part in this.  but it's just not worth it if it means a screaming mommy and cranky children (no better way to welcome home a hungry Papa).  i try and balance out the week by doing the following: first of all i've used paper plates WAY more than i ever have before.  a couple nights a week i try to make dinners with fresh, nutrient-dense, unprocessed foods.  a couple nights a week i'll make something totally processed, like frozen pizza or mac-n-cheese from a box.  a couple nights a week, i'll make dinners that are fresh and a little less nutrient-dense - i use carbs! - because i love 'em and because they're generally more economical - and because i believe it's all about the balance, after all...  

dinner conversations

sometimes amidst the chaos of eating dinner (the whining about the food, the animal noises, imitating baby, and countless other noises), it is hard to not just focus on getting through without any choking or spilling of cups.  i just want my kids to eat everything on their plates, fill their bellies - then i'll wipe their little hands and they can go back to playing.   but i want this time, this time when we're all sitting in a circle, facing each other, i really want us not just to consume food but to connect.  

sometimes each one answering, "what was the best part of your day?" works. some days we've answered that in 30 seconds.

one thing we've used is ann voskamp's "joy dare collection" which names three things to be thankful for that day, like "3 gifts white" or "3 gifts eaten." some days i struggle to be grateful - after i've gone from changing poopy diapers to cleaning up play-doh to dealing with stubborn 2 year olds.  but i want to grow in this discipline of gratefulness amidst the chaos.  (and hopefully my kids can learn, too!)

something else we've used is "chat pack for kids: creative questions to ignite the imagination."  because honestly by dinner time, my brain is half fried - and i naturally focus on just getting through the meal.  "if you could design the kid-perfect house, what particular features would the house have?"  "if you could enter a food-eating contest, which food would you be the most delighted to devour?"  now dinner conversations are a little more lively!  and i get to connect with my little pumpkins!

why we eat together

there are some days when i wake up to kitchen counters full of dirty dishes or to an empty underwear drawer, so i toss a couple bowls and spoons on the table, fill them with cheerios and scrub the counters or run around the house gathering dirty clothes while my kids munch away.  some days are just like this, but i try, i really try to sit for at least a few minutes to connect and converse with my kids at the table.

we choose to eat dinner together just to be together.  to be as a family.  to be, after the countless diaper changes, the running around in the grass, jumping in the pool, running to the store, scrambling to cook dinner.  Papa comes in.  we gather.  because after this short time, at the table, our bodies consuming, gathering energy, it's going to be jumping on the trampoline, biking in the driveway, reading on the couch, Mama doing dishes, Papa teaching about bugs. 

we eat to connect and bond.  these days this gathering isn't always peaceful - with one crying, one making gurgling noises, one yelling "be quiet, it's my turn to talk!"  that's the time when my husband and i look at each other, smile, and chew our food and don't say one single word to each other.  meal times are naturally loud times.  in our house, we are currently trying to reinforce, "no noises and singing at the table."  

we eat together to teach and to learn.  learning to converse, to talk politely, to listen to others.  manners seem to be a lost art many times, but i want my kids to be responsible members of society.  i choose for them to sit at the table with us.  how well can i teach my kids, to hold a fork, to not spill their drink, to chew, to ask for food, if i'm with them for five seconds then running off and doing my own thing.  how well will they listen to me if they don't sense that i also just want to be with them, enjoy them, hear them out.  as with anything, kids learn by example.  if they are always eating on their own little table and chairs, they have no example to follow.  a childrens' table and chairs can have its uses - but bigger picture: how are we teaching dining and social skills?  how will our kids most effectively learn these?  

so many people complain about not having time to eat meals together.  sometimes that can't be helped, but many times it can be.  we have intentionally chosen not to be involved in a lot of activities - so that we can have most dinners together (and to let them be kids and play!  but that's for another day...)  

why i do what i do

ever since i was little, i wanted to be a mommy. three kids later, here i am! i love being a mom. i have felt the deepest joys as i watch my children breastfeed, learn new skills like writing their own name or zippering up a coat, share with a sibling. (and felt the deepest frustrations as they poop on the floor and lie to my face and call a sibling, "dumb"). many moments are filled with laughter and others are filled with drudgery. some moments i am intentional, remembering i've been entrusted with these blessings and they are my responsibility. i remember that i'm impacting my kids' future and future generations! other moments, i feel too exhausted to be intentional - just gotta make sure they're all fed, clean and dressed and make it through the day. my hope is that these kids love God - and i try to teach them to love others as they'd like to be treated. i can only pray that God will grab ahold of their hearts and they would be drawn to Truth and Grace and Righteousness.

i write the following to remind myself of the vision i have for my kids - so that hopefully in sharing a little of why i do what i do, i can encourage and inspire a fellow mother in this pilgrimage...

it seems today's generation leaves us with a blessing and a curse - the blessing of having countless parenting resources at our fingertips - and the curse of the pressure to be super mom. i look at pinterest to get ideas, only to feel inadequate and overwhelmed much of the time. do i look like a super model? or at least exercise regularly? does my house look like martha stewart's? at least is it spotless? did i sew the curtains myself? did i find the best deals on groceries? do my children's clothes look the cutest? did i make a healthy dinner? do i buy local and organic? do i make my kids own birthday cakes? do i have an awesome career, too - and manage it all perfectly?

 it's easy to let important things get in the way of the most important. (or is it just me?)

did i get professional newborn pics? did my kids start swimming lessons at age 2? did they go on a disney vacation by age 5? the skills and abilities and "special" things can be positive experiences - but are they the focus?

do my toddler age kids actually appreciate the birthday decorations i've made?  does what they wear make a day fun?  if i buy a cake instead of make one, will it not be memorable?  the pretty and the picturesque can be enjoyed - but are they the focus?

did i breastfeed at least one year?  did i use cloth diapers?  did i make all the baby food?  important things to consider - but are they the focus?

will my kids feel neglected if i don't get them to eat five fruits and veggies each day?   health is vital to a great life - but is it the focus? what if i don't re-purpose all their t-shirts to make a quilt?  making special things is wonderful - but is it the focus?

 i try and think through why i do what i do, though with 3 kids at home, it's getting harder and harder to not just "survive." but i need a vision, especially when i'm bombarded with pressures, whether real or self-inflicted. "where there is no vision, the people perish; but he who keeps the law [of God, which includes that of man]-blessed (happy, fortunate, and enviable) is he" (Proverbs 29:18 AMP).

 i desire my kids to be blessed! so here is just a little of why i do what i do.